Preventing Kids From Getting Lost
And what to do when it happens!

By Alyssa Dver
 National Director & Family Safety Expert
The Center to Prevent Lost Children (CPLC)
www.PreventingLostChildren.org

Every parent has a story.  They shudder to recall a time when their child decided to hide under a rack in a department store, wandered off at the beach, or “just took off” in an instant while the parent turned to tend to something else (often, another child).   If you can relate to this, then you know how terrifying it can be to not know where your child is, even for a few seconds.  The panic that a parent feels is indescribable.  The parent immediately worries that the child has been harmed or abducted. Luckily, most of the time, the child is found and reunited with his/her caregiver quickly and physically unharmed.  However, the trauma caused by accidental wandering can leave an indelible memory for both child and parent. 

Children Get Accidentally Lost All the Time

According to an October 2002 US Department of Justice report¹, every year there are over 1.3 million children missing or lost. That’s 2000 kids each day! As an example, an Intimetrix² report noted that over a 12 month period, over 27% of all families that visited an amusement park lost one of their children while they were there – that’s one out of every three children!  A Boston-area mall noted that they had 750 reports of lost children in one year alone!³ 

But please note that these statistics represent only the incidents that are reported to authorities. A study by Wander Wear Inc. found that only 11% of the accidental wandering incidents ever get reported at all and 97% of the time, children are lost for only a few (though still heart-stopping) minutes.⁴ 7 out of 10 children get lost at least once in their lifetime, 90% of families are effected, and it can happen in any public place such as a mall, beach, amusement park, fair, or airport. 

Getting Hysterical Isn’t the Best Solution

When a parent realizes that his/her child is unexpectedly not standing next to the parent, the parent panics and assumes the child has been abducted.  A typical reaction is to scream out the child’s name.  If the child is not close by, screaming obviously won’t help locate them quickly.  It is also important to realize that non-family abduction is relatively rare (100 out of 1.3 million) so chances are the child wandered off accidentally.  Therefore, try to keep your cool and realize that your child needs your clear-headed help. While high tech products are slowly finding their way into the market that will help you keep track of children, the technology remains expensive and is not always easy to use.  However, technology is aggressively moving in the right direction and surely there will soon be affordable and effective devices available.  In the meantime, there are non-technical products and best practices that parents and caregivers can use effectively to avoid or, at least minimize, the trauma associated when a child is accidentally lost. 

Safe I.D. is a Good Idea.

The most common advice given to parents is to tell their children to meet at a designated place should they become separated.  Unfortunately, small children usually cannot remember or find an unfamiliar place, especially when they are scared. Even children up to the age of 10 will have difficulty remembering basic information such as a home phone number, let alone a parent’s or grandparent’s cell number, when they are lost and scared. 

While there is no substitute for parental or caregiver attention, the best thing a parent can do to prepare a child is to give him/her a safe and effective way to identify him or herself and teach the child how to use it.  Safe identification has contact information to reach you while you are mobile.  A cell phone for example, is perfect, as it does not provide any information that can lead a stranger to the child’s home or school. 

Young children who cannot speak yet (or even older children who get panicked and potentially immobilized if they get lost), should have the identification visible so that another person can access it easily without the need to undress or undo the child’s clothing.  You can attach the identification to the back of a young child who may fidget with something attached to the front of his or her clothes.  Older children can carry the contact information in their pockets if you are confident that they will produce that information when they need it.  

Dress children in bright, special clothing.

To help spot children easily, dress them in very brightly colored (bright yellow or bright green is best), identifiable external clothing such as a t-shirt, hat, or jacket.  Some parents specifically dress themselves and their children in the same color when they are going out to crowded places.  Unless the color is bright, it won’t really help you or your child to spot each other if your location is crowded with people or objects. 

Additionally, when your child is lost, he/she isn’t going to be the only one scared and potentially unable to remember any details – you may have a hard time remembering what you dressed them in that morning.  One good idea is to have official clothing for your child to wear when you go out to public places.  This makes it much easier for you to remember what your child is wearing should he/she gets lost.  With the bright colored and identifiable clothing clear in your mind, you can provide this important information to authorities or site employees to quickly find and reunite you with your child.  

Carry a recent photo and description.

Make sure that you carry a separate recent photo of each on of your children with you. On the back of the photo, note the child’s eye color, hair color, height, weight, and any birthmarks or other distinguishing marks.  Note that the child is one of multiples and put your cell number on it as well. If and when your child is missing, you will have the photo and information available to assist others who are trying to help you find your child.  

Teach your child to ask another mommy for help.

A scared child may not be able to find a trusted authority quickly.  However, even young children can be taught to enlist help from another mother who is usually eager to assist.  Have your child practice showing his/her safe identification to another mommy and asking for help (if he/she can talk).  Even if the child can’t speak, the child being on his/her own will usually catch the attention of another parent.  With the safe identification visible and accessible, you make it easier for another person to quickly locate you.  Right before you arrive at a public place, remind your child about what to do if he or she gets lost.    It is also a good time to make sure that your cell phone is turned on.

Reinforce good behavior.

When you go out to a public place and come back without any incident of your child getting lost, tell him/her that he/she was good for staying with you the entire time while you were out.  Positive reinforcement is the best way to elicit the behavior you want from your child. 

What to Do If Your Child Gets Lost

Many public places such as retail stores, amusement parks and beaches, have specific procedures (such as lock downs) when a child is missing. If you can remember beforehand, research the “lost child procedures” of your destination location ahead of time.  If your child does get lost, try to remain calm and quickly find an authority or onsite employee to trigger the venue’s lost child process.  Don’t wander too far yourself while you look for your child in potential hiding places, as your child may be very near by. 

When to Call the Police

The National Center of Missing and Exploited Children and the MA Police Department advocate calling the police immediately upon realizing that your child is missing⁵.   It is much better to call the police back a moment later to report that you have found your child than it is to later regret waiting those few valuable minutes that could have made a dramatic difference in the outcome of effectively finding your child.
 
After the crisis passes

Once you are reunited with your child, be sure to congratulate him/her for following your emergency instructions. Don’t yell at your child for getting lost.  Celebrate that you are back together because of his/her smart and brave actions.  If he/she ever gets lost again, he/she will focus on getting back to you rather than remaining intentionally lost fearing that you will yell at him/her again.  Later, when the trauma has subsided, discuss the incident and recall how you both felt while the child was missing.  Reiterate that you are proud that he/she was able to act correctly and get back to you quickly and safely.

Common Issue. Easy Solutions.

Children do and will wander off.  It is not a result of bad parenting or bad children.  As “good” parents, we can be proactive and avoid or at least minimize the profound trauma and possible physical harm that occurs when a child is lost, event momentarily.  Whether you are at a familiar local mall or on vacation somewhere foreign, every child can use some assistance to help find his/her parent or caregiver if he/she gets lost.  With these easy-to-use tips, you can keep your child safe wherever you both go.   

1. Source = NISMART2: National Incident Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway and Thrownaway Children. U.S. Department of Justice. October 2002.
2. Source = IntiMetrix study, 2002.
3. Source = interview with head of security at a Boston-area mall that requested to remain anonymous; December 2002.
4. Source = Wander Wear Inc. parent survey, November 2003.
5. Source = Department of Justice Office of Juvenile Programs, “PERSONAL SAFETY FOR CHILDREN—A GUIDE FOR PARENTS”

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About the Author:

Alyssa Dver is a Family Safety Expert and CEO of Wander Wear^TM Inc., (www.wander-wear.com), a parent-run company that advocates child safety in public places.  She is a frequent speaker and quoted resource for lost child information.  Dver created Wander Wear to develop practical and affordable products to help quickly and easily reunite accidentally lost children with their parents or caregivers. She is the mother of two boys ages 6 and 2.